My insides are as frail and sensitive to bend as aluminum foil, and often it just crumbles inward and sits, hard and twisted in the pit of my stomach. That heavy feeling, that time bomb just waiting to agitate the rest of my senses. Then there’s the vacuum, sucking out my emotions, tearing away the good things.
I’ll wake up scared and unaware of where I am, and I just feel so alone in the farthest corner of my bed.
I did something I never thought I’d do last night.
I have to make a change. I can’t be like this anymore. Most of all, I need somebody to talk to.
Behind every tear I’ve ever shed is a stronger will to get past all the bullshit. I’ve had hurtful words woven within the folds of my brain matter. I’ve been neglected, and blamed constantly and no matter how apparently useless it is, I don’t stop trying. Nobody can ever say, that I gave up on anything if I wanted it.
And I want it. I just want to find a balance between all good things that I’m trying to accomplish, and for once - people that care, care to show that they’re happy for me, and that they’re proud of me. So in the back of my mind, I’ll act like 100% of my heart isn’t a block of fire and ice. I do it for you, and for you, and for you, and I’ll try my best to do it effortlessly.
If all things should pass, show me something that’s everlasting.
I thought things were going to be better this time. I really did. I came back with a better mindset than I left, and I’ve done a lot to try to make up for some of the time we’ve spent arguing.
But fuck it when you’re on your own agenda and I’m trying to find shit to do in my spare time, without your help of course. Yet again, it falls on me and my two shoulders. Did it ever occur to you that I’m not just going to sit around the house as you go to sleep and go to work during the day.
Fuck your opinions. Again, I dry my tears, I get back up and turn my back on you. All the progress we made is gone, and I’d be stupid to try again.
I guess I wore out my welcome. So much for trying to be a better daughter. Open your eyes.
Waking up to a splitting headache and nausea. I’m so sick of not knowing what’s going on with my body.
Just got in from cruising the freeway 30 under the speed limit.
Everything has been passing so fast. I’m allowed to create some control over it.
Today consisted of bitchassedness, soccer, reunions with amazing people, small talk about big ordeals, and MW3. Everything a girl could want.
I just hugged my mom and told her that I love her for the first time in a long time.
Everything seems like it’s falling into place and I’m happy.
Hold your breath. Make a wish. Count to three.
She’ll have you seeing red and white like your Christmas candy cane. Wrapped in an eye catching array, and causing your mouth to water from the goody goody gum drops. Everything from her chocolaty filled glaze that accompany her sweet Hershey kisses.
Even Willy Wonka would be clueless on how to pack that many cavities into one container.
